Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You're like the curious george of whores
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We smell like vodka and hangover
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