If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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