I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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