Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could make wine with my vomit
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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