this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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