we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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