I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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