When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
false alarm, still single
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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