I want to stick my p in your. b.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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