Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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