hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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