My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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