Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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