She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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