this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize