So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
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After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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