I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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