Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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