the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize