she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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