It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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