I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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