she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize