So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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