I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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