I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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