im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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