apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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