and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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