Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
and you fell through a lawn chair
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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