she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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