12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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