my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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