Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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