areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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