I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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