I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize