I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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