census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize