What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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