Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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