I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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