i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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