Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
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She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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