I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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