a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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