I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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