Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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