Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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