just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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